You know, back in the day… us beauty bloggers were pretty simple human beans. We didn’t glam up and go to events, we didn’t get papped on the red carpet, and many of us didn’t know the difference between a cupcake and a cake pop.
How things have changed in this funny old world. I’m somewhat sheltered from all these goings-on, living out here in the sticks. Both a blessing and a curse, let me tell you!
But it struck me yesterday, that despite my self-proclaimed delight in all things beautifying… there are a few certain experiences I’ve yet to encounter.
No, I’m not talking about the it girl exploits that some of my peers get up to, I’m talking about the kind of stuff that lays fundamental shame at my beauty-blogging front door.
1. I’ve never had my hair professionally coloured.
Nuh-uh, not ever. You see, I started going grey when I was 17 and when you’re 17, you don’t want to do anything more “open” than scurry home with a box of Clairol and turn your Mum’s best towels black in an attempt to rid yourself of your roots. Old habits dye hard and I’ve just carried on…
Except, I recently had a celebrity hairdresser (we’re talking major name-dropper super-talent) tell me that my roots were kinda green. Ground, please open wide… I’m yours for the taking.
2. I’ve never had a full-body massage.
Colour me timid but what does that even entail? Do I have to get, like…uh… naked? Is there paper pants involved? I’m not saying I’m a prude but I did wonder about the possibility of keeping my knickers on when I went into the labour ward.
3. I’ve never been waxed.
Well, half-heartedly… twice, by me… out of curiosity more than anything. But as a routine? Nope. I hear some girls even go so far as to spread their bum cheeks in the name of depilation. I’m like the Mary Whitehouse of hair removal.
4. I’ve never left the house in orange lipstick.
I know my limits.
5. I’ve never bought clothes from Top Shop.
Take away my blog right now.
So, you see… sometimes I feel like a right old phony sitting here, waxing lyrical about beauty and the like. But I feel somewhat cleansed (no… not colon, not done that either) by airing my inexperiences here today.
C’mon, make a girl feel better… what “#thingsivenever” have you never done when it comes to the world of beauty?
I also haven’t done most points. But I have bough the odd thing from Topshop (though never again- too expensive).
No face injections, no laser treatments, no (permanent) fake lashes, no hair straightening, no nail art 🙂
*no hair straightening*
Like, ever? 😉
Update – no chemical/permanent hair straitening ever. Tried blow-dry few times long long ago. Didn’t like it 🙂
I’ve done them all! Too much hair to use shop bought colour, I miss chunks out all over even using three boxes. The full body massage was okay, yes semi-naked as towels are strategically moved about, but too expensive to repeat regularly & I find it hard to relax in that situation anyway. I’ve had all parts of me waxed (and yes have parted my bum cheeks in the process), armpits are THE worst (the pain is unbelievable). As a hairy mary it is impratical and expensive to keep up so I’m back to the good old razor & threading for the Denis Healy eyebrows. As a redhead, orange (ish) lippy looks not too bad with a bit of bronzer for good measure. M&S did my favourite but now discontinued so always on the hunt for similar. I am not a regular Topshop buyer and I think I may have taken everything back I purchased as I can’t think of anything I own that has a TS label in it.
You only live once so go for it Charlotte!
LOL your funny I’m with you on 2 though what does that entail?
Hahaha, but you’d look great in a bit of orange lippy and some Topshop garms! Trust me, imma beauty blogger! xx
I love full-body massages!
For Thai massages (no oil used), you should be provided with a very oomfy pyjamas-like outfit (loose top and loose trousers) to wear.
For any type of oil massages, yes, you generally need to shed your clothes but you should be provided with a pair of disposable knickers. You will be covered with a towel all the time with only the part of your body being massaged being exposed. Most of the therapists I’ve encountered are well-trained and they know what to do to make you feel comfortable -such as holding up the towel when you need to flip over so as to protect your modesty.
I’ve encountered some Balinese massages where they actually massage the breasts. It’s quite common in some parts of the world. I have no problems with that but some of my friends do so they always ask in advance if that is included and if so, to skip that part of the massage. Always talk to the therapist first and raise any concerns that you may have and don’t be afraid to stop her halfway if you feel uncomfortable. They usually adapt very well to your needs.
Most importantly, relax! Having a full body massage is one of the indulgences I enjoy the most.. and I very often end up falling asleep!
I’ve never had my hair professionally coloured either! I have however had PLENTY of home-dye disasters, including the ill-fated “I know, let’s bleach my dark auburn hair until it goes white! Oh, it’s not white, it’s bright yellow. Oh look, it’s all falling out” episode of 2008.
Don’t bother buying from Topshop, they’re wildly, disgustingly overpriced and their clothes have a nasty tendency of going horrible and bobbly after three washes.
I’m not a beauty blogger, but I’m joining in anyway – I’ve never used bronzer (I’m insanely pale and have never found one that doesn’t make me look bright orange, although I have high hopes for an Avon one I’ve been lusting over). I’ve only worn false eyelashes about three times, does that count?
Nope, never done any of those either. And I’m supposed to be one of the ‘London bloggers’!
Hahaha this post made me giggle! I’ve never had a pedicure! The thought of someone going near my feet FREAKS ME OUT. 🙂
I’ve bought shoes from Topshop (what? I had a gift card!) but that is literally it. I haven’t done any of the other things, either!
Lol looks like I’m kinda in the same boat. Though I have been offered a number 2 but you mean like at a SPA right? 😉
Oh and I do wear orangey lippies but not with full impact. I’ve tried home waxing and my attempt is as far as I’ll go. I’m just not comfortable with being manhandled in that way by another human being and paying for it. If these facts make me less of a ‘beauty guru’ (I don’t claim to be one) or woman, so be it :D!
I am a Topshop clothing wearer, primarily because their skirts actually fit me at the waist, darn you New Look and your huge size 6’s and 8’s! I’m with you on the waxing – the only times I’ve attempted I’ve removed more skin than, urm, hair. Oops!
See Charlotte, this is why so many people adore you. I’ve never had a full body massage, never been waxed…and let me tell you, trying to wax your own flangita is no fun. Never again. My legs have just slammed shut to create an impenetrable fort at the very thought of it. x x
I am so with you, not done one of those!
I once got drunk and decided to wax my foof, I managed to do one side, but the other side just refused to pull out any hair, so I veeted that side. Thing is I was so drunk I crossed my legs and my bikini tidy up became a hollywood!
The regrowth itching put me off EVER doing anything, so most mine gets is a trim!
My husband is a massage therapist, and he always says that a quality therapist will work to the level of your comfort. You can be as dressed or undressed as you please and there will be a type of massage to go with either one!
I have never done those 5 things either! What’s more, haven’t even attempted the DIY versions for colouring & waxing, despite being the only female in my family to miss out on glorious auburn hair. I just would have felt too conspicuous & fake if I’d dyed mine! As far as hair removal goes, my Lady shave takes care of pits & legs (when I can be bothered – I always wear trousers). Not touching anything else!
I used to dye my hair at home, but got fed up of the mess.(I found my 1st grey hair at 19 and was mortfied when hairdresser cutting it mentioned grey couple of years later) so now get it done at salon. I’ve had massages and never had to wear paper knickers, just cover up under towels parts of body that aren’t being massaged at the time. Have been waxed, but its quicker and cheaper to shave. Think orange lipstick is for catwalk/fashion mags. It definitely wouldn’t suit me! Haven’t bought anything from Topshop for years, its over rated.